The Day of Fathers
Just want you want and need. Another fathers day post, while you're scrolling through endless people jumping on board and companies pandering to dads.
But maybe there is something underneath all of it. Buried in a sea of cards and platitudes that fail to connect all the complexities that lie in countless different father roles. Maybe that's why they seem to fall flat.
"Happy fathers day everyone!"
Happy day to the person who beat you. Happy day to the person that left you. Happy day to the person that ignored you and made you feel unwanted.
From my life experience dads haven't warranted a whole lot.
But maybe that's the point. Rather than focusing on the bad, we take a moment to focus on the good and call it out. We set aside all the hurts for a moment and look for the moments that shined through. We offer a gift of forgiveness. Collectively we give a road map of what it means to be an amazing dad, and try to help those who struggle. We're leading up as well as offering our gratitude.
"Happy fathers day. We both know it wasn't easy. We both know you didn't make it easy, and I didn't make it easy. We both know there were problems, and lets not pretend to ignore them. Lets embrace them and say that even though those struggles, we found moments of peace and gratitude. You remember that one time we spent time together? you remember when I stopped being a jerk to you and we just enjoyed each other dad? Lets not just remember that lets have more of that"
Or
"Happy fathers day. This day is always so awkward for me, because you're not my dad, but you, in your friendship, have guided me like a father. You've helped raised me and taught me. All I see in the card isle is happy fathers day cards, and sometimes I find a happy step fathers day card, both of which just seem awkward to give, so lets really break it down and get in to this. you didn't have to be here. You didn't have to choose to love me, you could have tossed me out like my "father" did. But you didn't. You were patient with my rebellion, and even when you weren't, you stood fast, and didn't let me go. I don't want to have this awkward definition of father. I want it to mean more. I want it to mean you and to me, it does"
Or even...
(allow me to set the scene for you, a man wakes to find himself alone in his dwelling, wipes the tired from his face. Takes a long look in the mirror through sad eyes)
"Happy fathers day. You weren't given much and what was given was taken from you. And that's ok. Cause you know how it feels. You know pain and have endured what life has thrown at you. Today is that reminder to you, you old son of a bitch. You're not going to waste the lessons suffering has given you. Life hasn't given you that picket fence with the laugher and play of children in the back yard. But because of what you've been given you know what a multitude of children are going through, and today, well today is the day you remember. Theres kids out there that need love. And today you and your battle worn spirit are going to be consumed by the fire to protect and hearts. You volunteer your time and talents in ways that make kids feel not so alone in a broken world. You're as much of a father as anyone."
Maybe indeed there is reason to celebrate these things. We remember. We hope.
Happy fathers day to all of you, even the women who are doing both jobs.
Happy fathers day